I am going to miss the sunrise and these beautiful sunsets
Yesterday I felt peace. Today I feel….numb?
Fraser stabilized (again) today….still in a coma; on cpap and some fentanyl to help his breathing along with a cocktail of other medications and they currently have him hooked up to a brain scan overnight. He still battles pneumonia and fungal infection and bacterial...they're going after it ALL!
Yesterday's peace allowed me to move through my day with an appreciation for all possibilities still available to us. Today’s numbness didn’t allow me to contemplate much. And, finding the blessings, I am grateful. I’ve decided numb is my brain’s way of helping me through the day and it’s ok. I have no doubt the feels are still there…they’re just tucked away for a bit. My heart needed a break from all the feels.
This is a lot to take in (possibly the understatement of my life)….and I have to be reminded to have compassion for myself. Easier said than done, although I was forced to get that lesson when I had Sprout (my lil brain tumour friend years ago).
I got a call today saying we would be flying tomorrow. 2 hours later I got a call saying they weren’t sure and they didn’t know who told me that. I told her my nervous system can’t take their lack of communication and to please make sure the next phone call has all the complete(!) details!
So, we are now confirmed! WE ARE COMING HOME! It’s an adventure I hope no one else has to experience and also so grateful this is available to us.
I have no idea what our new routine will look like so one thing at a time. So many amazing people offering their homes near the hospital; neighbours offering to shovel (did I mention snow? Ew) and bring food; and family looking after meals and our home while so we can focus on healing and settling into the new unknowns.
I can’t wait for us to be home and think often of the day Fraser once again gets to join us there. That’s a tough one. 😢 I feel joy when I think about him coming home and I feel sorrow that we have to contemplate how our lives changed in a mere instant. Joyful sorrow. Almost has a beautiful ring to it.…but so does comfortably numb for a moment. I will allow myself that.
Sweet dreams!💕
Safe travels tomorrow Paterson’s. Philippians 4:7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Brooke, I’m sending you the biggest hug and know that I am praying often for you and Fraser and all who love him. I am sure your heart is constantly racing but I know you trust that Fraser will be healed one way or the other. I so appreciate you taking the time to update everyone as I am certain your mind is busy with other things. I love you my friend, tak…
Wishing you and the family a safe trip home. Fraser!! Hang in there! Colin and I are thinking about you all ❤️ sending love 💕
My dear Brooke. I wish you a safe trip home and that Frazier is well looked after throughout the trip. You and you family are stepping into the unknown and I pray all goes well for all. You got this even if you don’t! You are all surrounded by love of all these beautiful people and the great Devine to support you! love always ♥️♥️🙏🙏
Safe travels to you all. Being comfortably numb will allow you to move forward while you keep your nervous system protected. One foot in front of the other, one moment at a time ❤️ love you
First night home in your own bed, Caelin needs to sleep over and Fala gets to sleep on the bed too. There is no need whatsoever to sleep alone!