I’m feeling the pressure today to come up with something brilliant as many of you have commented what this blog means to you. And I can’t feel more blessed to have all of you here….but also, we need to talk. It might be uncomfortable…and I don’t know how succinct or clever I will be. So, my apologies in advance.
Death. One thing we do not do well, in this culture/society, is death. We talk about it causally and say, ‘if I’m ever ________ please let me go.’ That’s a big one. So easy to say it casually while we sip our latte at the local coffee bar while commiserating about our daily tasks. Death is done behind closed doors; maybe in a more medical setting….we do not talk about it and if we do it is a past/future tense but rarely the present…and why do we call this the ‘present’? Because it is a gift…that’s the cliche right? What kind of gift is death?! Well I guess it depends who you ask. I am well aware there are things worse than death….another cliche with meaning.
And what better gift than to be in the present. We must work our way into this world and so must we work our way out sometimes. And with the assistance of others this can be a gift…a present for us all. The ultimate in handing it over to God. Despite some of our hurt and anger at this situation, He (or whatever pronoun/verb/noun/descriptor you want to use😉) exists. Of that I have no doubt.
The ultimate gift of love…to be so unselfish as to let go. There are songs written about this for a reason.
‘Fraser’ has been moved to comfort/palliative care. We will work tomorrow on bringing him home or hospice care so he can be surrounded by family; friends….life as we celebrate ALL aspects of it…including death.
When we met with the Neuro Intensive Care doctor her first question to all of us was, ‘who is Fraser? What does he like to do? Who is this man to each of us?’
How beautiful to hear Fraser described in ways that he might not have ever heard aloud. Proud; protector; father; husband; son (in-law but that’s just to determine familial standing); generous; wise; accomplished; respected; smart (he was working on his second degree…honours of course)…(please feel free to add) he was so much more than the man who lies before us. Thus ‘Fraser’.
With that, along with the Traumatic Brain Injury; Diffuse Axonal Shear; lack of oxygen during his ‘code/heart attack’ our doctors are certain he will never be that man again. He may be able to dress himself but will likely require round the clock care. This isn’t ‘just’ a coma that needs more time. There are many factors. And the biggest one being, ‘would he be ok with that life’. And for some it is. But we are his voice now…and we all know that would not be ok for him.
So, Fraser’s body has been a good friend for his soul….but he won’t need it in the end. And what is the end if we believe God is eternity?
Lord my body has been a good friend
But I won't need it when I reach the end
~Cat Stevens (Miles from Nowhere)
This is not the end for me/us by any means, and you are welcome to continue this journey with me/us. I wasn’t sure when I began this what the ‘end’ would be…but this isn’t it for us/me….yet. This may just be another beginning.
Much love to each of you. 💕Please tell someone dear to you what they mean to you. Let them hear it. Let them feel it….make it awkward if you need to…(that’s my role usually). 😁
Until tomorrow…
xo, Brooke
Hey Wooky. As ever you humble yet lift with your words and beauty - even the awkwardness. Death is something no one wants to talk about yet everyone should. Orbit (aka l'il dude) and I (aka Trigger) are thinking about your and your family and praying for you everyday. Thank you for being the amazing individual you are, and for continuing to always give to others even when you should be concentrating on yourself. Insert finger wag here.
XOXO
My love to you all. I am so honoured to have Frasier in my life. I remember his presence when I arrived at Spruce grove comp in grade 11. First his smile and then him. He brought a warmth and joy and maturity to us students. He was more than a football player or a band member or a student he was a leader. You didnt have to be part of a group or clique to be defined. You just had to be you. What a wonderful lesson to have learned so early and to continue to share.
I remember looking up on the bus about 7 years ago and seeing that smile and feeling sheer joy! We had a…
Very sad 💔 sending you all love and strength. You have many people (including me) that will hold you up when you are down …you and your family will need that in the days ahead. My heart breaks for you all 🥺
Death is something that is so difficult to speak about because everyone has their own understanding and conditioning around it. I have had many loved ones leave my life over the years, and what I've come to realize is they are always with us (I figured I may as well add another cliche), even when we can't see/be with them in their physical forms anymore. That doesn't make it hurt any less now, but it brings peace later.
I have been holding space and loving light for your and your family as you have gone through this journey. Much love to you Brooke - please know you have so many people ready to help and support you when you need.
This is the saddest read yet Brooke, I’ve cried so many tears for you all, but today is overwhelming. We are on this journey with you,just wish we were nearer …love you 💔