Time has somehow passed. 35 years together; 29 years of marriage); 26 years (Connor); 24 years (Caelin); 15 years (Sprout)…and now time is offering up another pivotal moment to add to our time capsule.
Today, as the neuro/ICU specialist told us (his Mom and I) a few details and then said she’d like to meet with the whole family over the weekend (possibly Sunday), it struck me that the clock hands kept moving. How did they have the ability to move when this moment made things come to a screeching halt? How did the hands find the ability to move as each word the doctor spoke seemed like it hung on them as they paused in the ‘in-between’. This moment seemed pivotal enough that even time should recognize the importance to pause for a moment.
But it didn’t.
I wanted (needed) Fraser's guidance. I wanted (needed) his reassurance. I wanted (NEEDED) him. I curled up in what little room he had left in his bed (he got a new larger one today so his shoulders and arms aren’t so cramped…he’s a big dude!) and placed his hand on my head.
What I got was a large ‘mitt’ that flopped on my head. It was kind of comical...even through my sobs. I did find more comic relief as his hand managed to fall onto my face so it covered my nose and I couldn’t really breathe. But maybe he did that on purpose…it wasn’t really the ‘moment’ I was longing for…but it was something, and it made me laugh as I sat up shaking my head. He and I laughed with each other (mostly cause I’m pretty funny…and he’s not here to dispute it).
There is much sadness along this journey, but there is also laughter and joy. We just need to be open to exploring each one and recognizing they all live in this same guest house that is the human experience. None is more important than the other but through time they find their way together so we can find glimmers of the ones that bring us a bit more peace…if only for a moment.
May time pause so you can wake up feeling rested and may peaceful dreams find their way to you as you sleep. 💕
Your words of pure love for Fraser make water fall from my eyes. It’s beauty and pain. I feel you sister. I love you. And have piece of birthday cake.
It is the special day of November 4th & I landed on your FB page, which apparently I have not visited in awhile, with my excited birthday cheer of celebrating beautiful YOU, Brooke❣️I have no words. My eyes are leaking. I am sideswiped stunned in this moment dear one. No words. Only love, just love, all of my love, with prayers, many prayers to follow.💞🙏🏼 ~ Cheryl Rae
Thank you for the latest news Brooke, obviously here in Scotland as family we all talk and think about you all constantly. When doing a friend’s hair yesterday she told me about her brother who’d had a motorcycle accident and was in a coma for weeks/months with a bad brain injury,she gave me hope as he’s now 90% fit and able to do what he did previously.
Time is a healer and we hope you’re being allowed the time you and Fraser need ❤️
I couldn’t help snicker at the vision of you laying there with Fraser’s big mitt in your face, remember all the laughs and love. Keep on being you and keep those doctors on their toes. I love you and am sending my love to you all 💕
For what it's worth, I suggest you take a third person with you to the meeting with the doctor. You and his mom won't "hear" everything that is said and may not be able to ask the questions that you will want to ask. I suggest it be someone other than the kids too. Someone who isn't completely emotionally involved but obviously someone you trust. Just tell the doctor you insist that person be there.
As you well know, life can change in a day or in hours. You don't have to make any decisions today. Just be.
And when you do have to make decisions, take your time, make sure you have all the facts and talk it out…