Tonight I am supposed to be writing a program for Sunday…so far I have a photo; his name and a poem. I might need more….avoidance will only work for so long. This feels a bit more final with each task getting done. Then I have some tears and then I have writers block. I’m not sure what therapeutic to use for that…but I DO have a bunch of ‘things’ in my grief toolkit that dear friends have given me…big comfy ‘sweater blanket’; comfort snacks; beautiful bath treats (to name only a few)…and:
*GABA to help calm a racing mind
*L. Theanine to help calm nervous system
*Melatonin (3-6mg) with above BUT avoid taking by itself as it may cause interrupted sleep when cortisol (stress) levels are high (I did not know this)
*Ignatia Amara for grief
*Aconite Napallus for shock
*Euphrasia Officinalis for my cryes (cry eyes)
The trick is to remember that they are available to me…right in my kitchen!! It’s funny that I actually wondered if I should take some of them. I don’t necessarily want to avoid ‘feeling’ but my nervous system could definitely use some support. Maybe it’s like a self-fulfilling punishment to have to (want to?) feel everything so sharply? Do I really need to torture myself when these are readily available to me?! As much as my amazing massage worked for my body today, these can help support my nervous system. Offer accepted.
I was trying to pull myself together last night. I actually said, out loud, ‘GOOD GRIEF! Come on Brooke’…And then it came to me…this IS ‘good grief’!! How do I know? Because I am experiencing grief…and that is good! Totally fucking appropriate even! Feels kinda shitty sometimes (sometimes a lot shitty), but that’s ok! I am not avoiding it and I am feeling it. Good grief is welcome…for a bit..and also, I will use some tools to help support my system and soften the blow a bit. That seems like a kind thing to do for me…and also, anyone have any funny, inappropriate jokes? I’m looking forward to some laughs this weekend…yes tears, but also laughter. That’s emotional balance, right? 😁
Ok, well, that was a good avoidance…perhaps I should try to put some of this writing inspiration into the ‘program’. Wish me luck ☺️
xo, Brooke
I agree with you DL. This may be to overwhelming Brooke. so many will want to talk to you that day and that alone is very exhausting. Don’t get me wrong it’s wonderful all the love that will be shared with you but hundreds of people will deplete all your energy. Love you and only want the best for you my friend ♥️🥰
I hope you are only doing an outline of a "program". YOU do not have to create a program for your husband's celebration of life. YOU are not expected to speak at this celebration. There is a whole industry for this and if you don't want to go that way, then you ask family or friends to assist. Yes YOUR desires for what should be included in the celebration are most important, - tributes, music, display items, food, drink, speakers. But YOU don't have to do it. Please be a participant and not the host of this celebration. You will never be able to do all that you want or be able to provide all that you think Fras…