November 18 7:34pm

And life continues on….and it’s weird. I went to the mall and bought a few gifts today (still don’t know what we’re doing for Christmas but just in case) and the lovely young lady helping me asked the question. I heard myself tell her I lost my husband.

Now, I didn’t say this to her but I did say it earlier this week without really thinking about it. I heard myself say it again, but this time I added, ‘well he’s not really lost. I know where he is…but, um, well, he died so he’s just not here with us’. The look on the poor girl’s face…so, lesson learned. ‘My husband has passed’ will be a new part of my vocabulary. It’s like I have to practice saying it. And not that it necessarily matters, but sometimes it’s just part of the conversation. ‘Oh! What occasion are we celebrating that requires a new outfit?’….wellll…….

I thanked the young lady as her eyes welled up with tears. It is actually kind of comforting that people can share sadness with you without even knowing the person. And I know it’s because they’ve either experienced their own loss or they simply can’t imagine. Me neither. And sometimes I appreciate that tears can flow when mine are at bay.

And so it comes in waves. And sometimes, when one wave washes out it is replaced with sadness that washes back in. The quiet at the end of the day is the hardest. I suppose it’s no different than how we fill our hours with the mundane tasks of life and eventually they catch up. You can only be distracted for so long.

The next wave will come regardless.

And speaking of waves…maybe a beach at Christmas is a good idea…

Xo, Brooke