Balance; Hope; Peace; Gratitude
4 emotions that go round and round (and round and round!) my heart and brain. I am confounded how we are to take 26 letters of the alphabet; mush them together and make words to adequately describe a feeling. It’s crazy when you think about it.
I love being on my slackline (like a
Tightrope but only a foot or two off the ground-I’m not that brave). It was an anniversary gift from Fraser one year. He of course bought me the longest one (because he only gets the best) that could likely span Mountain tops but I really just need 30’ or so to go corner to corner in our yard. Lol He built the uprights (2’ up to 4’ off the ground because….only the best) and installed lawn screws and made it so I could play.
Whenever I would go play on it he would play the circus music out loud 😆. I liked that he found it entertaining and he seemed to be entertained that, for some reason, I was happy walking back and forth and back and forth….with some falling off and ‘tricks’ of course. Not bragging but I can hold a martini and make it to the end…but only once or twice. 😁🍸🎪
It doesn't always look pretty and I hope I will make it to the end without falling off. But, when that happens, I hop back on, find my balance and move forward (or backwards depending how I feel).
Getting on requires balance and patience. There is peace as the rope sways back and forth and up and down until I can find the rhythm to wait, and then start to move. If I fight it, the rope will throw me off almost immediately. There is always movement. In that moment I can think only about that moment and nothing else. I must remember to breathe and allow my body to move with the line. Not the end, not the next step…just finding the peace in that moment.
All that metaphor to describe the slackline I feel I am on right now. It's doesn't always look pretty; hoping for an outcome that's best for Fraser; finding balance and still being able to find peace in the now moment.
I sway back and forth from peace and hope and try to keep my balance by remembering to breathe and not fight the emotions as they arise (except stupid hospital rules of course). *His Covid test from lung secretions was negative so they did a PCR test to ‘find it’. It was still negative. 🙌The only reason for ‘finding it’ was to know whether they should wear masks…nothing about treatment*
I will meet soon with the Neuro ICU specialist to discuss his Traumatic Brain Injury and hopefully have more answers….still hoping for the best outcome for Fraser. Bacteria runs through his lungs and that seems like it will be a chase for a while.
I took a photo of the ‘nutrition’ they give him and OMG!! Corn syrup; palm oil; soy; canola oil; maltodextrine…those are the top 6 ingredients. WTAF?! How is this nutrition?! It doesn’t take a genius to know bacteria feeds off sugar….and corn syrup is the 2nd ingredient after water?! Guess what’s going to be brought up during rounds tomorrow?! They’re going to love me😉
I did give Fraser a shave today as his beard was getting a bit scruffy….and, don’t tell Fraser, but one nurse thought he was my Dad🤫 I have always said he should try a long moustache (gunslinger or handlebar style)…and he didn’t say no today, soooooo……
As I sway back and forth, relying on some of you to give me an extra hand for balance at times, I have so much gratitude for being able to share this journey with all of you. So. Much. Gratitude. 🙏
The problem with having a hot wife, is that people will think you are her father.
What does the "A" stand for ?? WTAF
The "nutrition" is scary! Are we not past Halloween! You almost think: "do I have to do everything??!" Everyone needs an advocate like you!
Hope you were able to get some sleep. I hope this blog is a bit cathartic for you because I find it vital for my daily worrying about you and Fraser. I wish I could protect and help you both. Patience, right?! Take care of Brooke too.
Thank you for continuing to share so courageously everyday. Our thoughts and prayers are with constantly as we hope along with you and your family. Your stories are so heartwarming and help to balance the challenges we hear you facing daily with this “health”care system. I am grateful for the support you have, whatever forms it comes in, and you are blessed with your combination of wisdom and courage in this incomprehensible time.
You need to publish a book when this journey ends and Fraser is home. I think he is so proud of you for being so strong for your family and friends. I think he can hear you everyday and all day.