March 20 10:42 pm

These two helped me find my smile that I actually recognize🙏

I just had the best trip! My heart felt full and thought its only fair to share the balance of all the feels! I said before that I can’t actually be distracted by travelling as my brain (mostly) travels with me, but apparently I can! My friend’s two young children, 17 mos. and 8 kept me busy this past week…and subsequently filled my heart.

Omigoodness, my ‘heart niece’, Laura. She and I have a special bond and I was going to surprise her for her 8th birthday. I bought some balloons and hid behind them to surprise her on her doorstep. A mini fashionista, she ran down the stairs, flew past the balloons, jumped into my arms and said, ‘I RECOGNIZED YOUR

BOOTS!’ (they are pretty fabulous. Lol). What a beautiful welcome. It was also her spring break so she and I had many adventures to plan for the week.

The first adventure was dealing with a two hour time difference along with a one hour time change that evening. 7 am (4 am by my body’s recognition) came early as Laura leaned into my ear and (because she didn’t ‘really’ want to wake me up) proceeded to ask me if I had set my alarm for 8 so she knew when to come get me. Then she asked if I was still having a good sleep and if I wanted to wake up early, I could. And if I didn’t, I could stay asleep (lol) and just to make sure I had changed my clock to the right time so I knew when it was time to get up. And was I mad at her for waking me up early, even though she wasn’t really waking me up, and also…..I got up. How could I not?! I even got to be the first person to with her Happy Birthday!

Next, hearing her brother, Bruno (17 months old), call for ‘Boooke? Boooke!’ was delightful. He’d come grab my hand as he called for me so we could empty the box (its contents being thrown all over the place) so he could sit…in the box. It’s truly the simple things in life. The other stuff clearly just took up space. Adorable as he called out, ‘Mamai? Papai? Lala? Boooke?’, making sure none of us were having fun without him as he prepared for sleep….and so hard not to rush to save him from his FOMO…I get it little man!

And this must be why God made children cute adorable. Because, 7 (or 4) am wake-ups are so much easier when delivered with such cuteness and love. When kids are happy in the mornings, it makes it so much easier to be tired (and also, they’re not my kids). I remember those days; smiling faces as Connor and Caelin would go from Fraser’s side of the bed to mine to see who they could entice out of bed with their smiling faces.

Oh how I miss those days…actually. Fraser loved hanging out with the kids when they were little and being with little ones brought back memories of our own young family. Being around this family filled my days with joy and love and diapers and dishes and emptying boxes to sit in, dancing in the kitchen (happy tears), and all the things that are so, ‘in the moment’, that it was hard to find time to even remember my own reality.

Looking back over the week, I only had one or two ‘moments’. As I was going to sleep one night, my brain ceased to remember my reality. I couldn’t wait to call Fraser and let him know how the surprise went and wanted to share our day with him.

I love that moment.

It’s an all too brief moment, and comes crashing down quickly, but for just a moment, all is ‘normal’ again. The aftermath of reality and tears is something I don’t enjoy, but it’s there, so, ugh, I’ll let it visit.

Laura and I finding matching outfits; bowling and swimming; getting our nails done and planning, shopping, setting the table etc. and making dinner for her (tired!) parents was so incredibly heart filling. Laura was even so concerned with a few (slightly😉) grey hairs that she said, ‘I don’t want you to get old and die!’. Funny, but also, how to explain all of ‘this’ to a child. Death is part of life…and sometimes it comes way too early. That is apparently the way it is…and dealing with that ALSO causes grey hair(s)!

Speaking of grey hairs…heh heh....I was grateful to also there to help support my Mom and Dad as he went through a (minor) surgery, but one in a line of upcoming surgeries. Life is precious; life is to be lived; life is to be experienced; and experiencing, I am. That’s all I can do right now. Experience that which shows up. That includes the apparent abandonment issues when dinner with a friend got delayed (interesting to witness me going through that!); it includes the beautiful picnic with my niece by the lake; spending the day with my friend, ending in a Pilates class (it’s been way too long since I was the one being taught!); my mornings with ‘family’ that started my day with happy kids, amazing coffee and breakfast…and joy; seeing the love my Mom and Dad have for each other; so many experiences in such a short time.

These experiences are even more special because as much as I am experiencing them, I get to witness them at the same time.  Present and witnessing…duality at its finest.

Wishing you a beautiful day filled with glimmers…micro moments in your day that make you feel joy, hopeful, happy, etc. May you be present enough to enjoy them and witness yourself finding those moments. Pay attention and you will find more…and also, some days, it’s ok to cry. It’s just the way it is. Duality, right?

Xo, Brooke