In 2022 Fraser and Caelin went on an adventure to Paris to celebrate Caelin’s graduation. Due to travel mandates I was not able to join in watching Caelin walk across the stage and celebrate her accomplishment in what was her home for four years. My sadness was somewhat softened knowing this father-daughter trip was a beautiful opportunity just for them. I had been to Paris a few times, on my own with Caelin, to help her get set up etc, and Fraser always made that possible so I truly felt joy they would get their own experience. It was a once-in-a-lifetime trip….literally.
This weekend, Caelin celebrates another graduation from Equine Massage Therapy at Old’s College. Fraser should be here. He encouraged and supported her in exploring her passion for working with animals even though some felt that might be a waste of her University degree. (Never!) But, she gets to do what she loves…and she’s really good at it! (Totally unbiased opinion, I swear!) Isn’t that what we all want for our kids?
Our definition of success was for our children to feel pride in what they do, but more importantly, in who they are. I did ask and Caelin said she felt proud when she thinks about her hard work and how she made it through. I couldn’t agree more! And they are amazing people! (at least 99.9% of the time😁) Success!
*cliché alert: Do what you love and you won’t work a day in your life. (Clichés are stupid…but usually only because they have some truth!)
Fraser’s absence today is softened, only slightly, by the fact the two of them had such a wonderful time in Paris. Today, Loreen, Fraser’s Mom, my brother, Jade, Connor and Michaela are all here to celebrate with Caelin’s. Despite missing over a month and a half of her program, she flung her cap high! Just like her Dad she got to it, worked with what was in her control, (he often referenced that thought….ifykyk*) and persevered. And yes, she had times when she could barely sleep from crying or stay awake from not sleeping, but she kept moving forward. She did extremely well in all her classes which, if she had not, she would be given grace for her ‘circumstances’. But, she chose to stay in the program, work to catch up and here she is!
One night she was feeling overwhelmed, preparing for exams; grappling with what’s next; struggling because she can’t talk to her Dad; what she’s going to do for the rest of her life. You know. Just the small stuff! As we chatted on the phone one night I had to catch my breath as she barely got out, ‘I’m so afraid of letting Dad down. This was one of his last gifts to me, and I’m feeling so overwhelmed and I don’t want to disappoint him’.
My God. To have that on her mind let alone as it piled onto the rest?! He could never be disappointed in her. Of course she knew that (we all know!)….but….there’s always that little teeny something that, left unchecked, could send one down a steep hill that it becomes difficult to stop. I am grateful we have friends, and each other (beyond grateful for our shared time) to talk to so we can check those teeny tiny creepy crawly thoughts that easily gather like a snowball going down that same steep hill.
It’s funny (not really) how we like(?) to bring negativity, or pile onto a situation that is already shitty! Great! Now we have a shit covered snowball! Winter tip: don’t eat the yellow snow OR the ‘chocolate’ snowball! We help each other dissolve those thoughts by talking, and listening; crying the tears and giving ourselves compassion (we need reminding)….no shit snow for the shit show necessary!
I feel proud when I think about how we raised our children together. I feel honoured when I think about Fraser choosing me to be his partner and raise two beautiful humans with him. We spent a lifetime together.
I see some of him in each of our kids. It brings me tears and gratitude…and sometimes I ask them to argue with me about gardening or something trivial so I can feel his presence more. They look at me kinda sideways and, Yep! There it is! That’s the look I needed to see. I smile and I am reminded of him, in them. And that brings me joy.
Sweet dreams,
Xo, Brooke
iykyk: if you know, you know
Fraser had a sign at his desk about knowing what’s in your control and what’s not. It’s still in his boxes from his office, but we’ll get to those in time.
You both did a fine job with Conner and Caelin. They can only have a slight idea of how fortunate and blessed they are to have you as parents. So proud of Caelin to have followed her heart in her career plans. We all should be so smart, but then who would do all the crappy jobs?
So proud of Caelin and happy for her. She had excellent role models! Love you all. XOXO