Today I began packing for my little getaway. I should have been packing for Costa Rica with Fraser…
It’s now spread all over my bed while I take a time-out for some self-care. And boy doesn’t that just sound self-indulgent. And it is. But, in my defense, my Mom told me I should. Mom’s are always right (even when we’re not)…
I had a smelltdown. Yep, new word. I was looking for a ‘cozy-up’ shirt and found the shirt Fraser wore on our last date. Another new word…smellmory (or, Olfactory Memory in ‘real terms’…I like my word better)….AND, h o L y man did that take me IN! I made my way to the couch and tried to blend in but that didn’t really work. My Mom found me…held me; made me lunch, tea and after a while said, ‘go have your bath’. Afternoon tubs are indulgent….and when they catch your tears I think maybe they are also necessary.
To be fair, in the midst of my ‘wallowing’ (my own judgement which I’m working through) I was looking for my credit card. It is my business card but it’s the one I can use for pretty much anything…sorry Glenn…you guys can sort personal/business later, right? 😁
And it’s perfect. Because part of my meltdown (without the olfactory sense) was that having my main credit card cancelled has also played into a feeling of ‘less-than’.
A. Fucking. Credit card!
Good lord….seriously?! Might as well pile-on with more??? Why are we humans so hell-bent on self destruction?
It is amazing how susceptible one can be. A mere thought, when not fully engaged, can take hold and invite any other thoughts and try to wrap you up and take you down into a ball of emotions. Well, my friends, I have met you before…and I’m on to you! You are welcome for a moment, to help the tears fall, but I’m not falling for it. I spent enough months on the couch when I had Sprout (my lil brain tumour)…I’ve done this before…and made it through.
But….the good news is that I can use my anger towards the bank! I mean, I’d rather spend my energy missing Fraser rather than being pissed off at the bank, but this seems like well-placed anger so I’ll leave it…and then I can cry the sad tears that arrived today…and I should really try and finish packing…tears and bikinis…now I sound like a country song. Lol
Xo, Brooke
p.s. hot tip: Please have your own credit card in your own name…everyone🙏
This is also why we have cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) our minds mess with us BIG TIME!!
Love you, girlie!
The bank is not your friend. Ever. Never. Credit Union, maybe, but not a bank.