Fraser was more like a brother than 'brother-in law' to Jade (my brother)...he's known him since Jade was 14!
It’s things like filling out forms and coming to the ‘Emergency Contact’ section that make me take a calculated deep breath to catch myself. After 29 years of marriage it became instinctual to fill in Fraser’s info…how could it not? But yes, it caught me. It was weird to fill in another name. I could choose a kid but Caelin is in school and Connor’s phone doesn’t seem to work because he never seems to get texts (unless he gets a package delivered here😁)…so, my brother. Perfect solution. Thanks Jade! Although, I don’t think I asked…guess I’ll see if he reads my blog!
The other weird thing is someone asking if I’m married and have kids etc. The moment(s) it took to answer the first time I was asked left them with a questioning look, like, ‘it’s not that hard of a question’. And I suppose, in normal circumstances it wouldn’t be, but I finally mustered, ‘Um, yes…well, um…yah? I still am. I mean, my husband has passed but…um…so…yes?’. I could tell she was uncomfortable for asking the question but then I let her know it was ok. We started talking about how sometimes the right thing to say is, ‘I don’t know what to say’. Maybe I should have some cue cards people can choose from! Oh! Grief Charades! Laughter and tears guaranteed!
I enjoy talking about Fraser. Even if it's reminiscing about all the times he was wrong during our arguments....you know the drill by now...(he's not here to dispute it). Someone said they felt bad and weren’t sure if they should reach out or not. Yes. Definitely reach out. As long as you’re ok if I can only muster a thumbs up or quick acknowledgment (I had 20 messages after a most incredible treatment that was gifted to me today🙏 So blessed).
Hearing from people is lovely...it makes me not feel so ‘weird’(?) about my current experience…there’s enough weird shit to go around. Stop making it weirder! Lol
Xo, Brooke
Our usual is no contact unless one of us is coming to the other's town or there is a funny meme we share with everyone. I'm not a very good friend; I don't like to talk on the phone and I rarely do something worth sharing. I know you have lots and lots of friends. However, I want to make sure you know you are not alone even though your best friend has moved elsewhere. I've been single all my life, but you are just finding out what it is to be a sole decider. You will put your fabulous style on things and will end up coasting through being a sole decider. Until you are comfortable with …