6 months
My dad used to travel lots for work and vacations. The sound of silence throughout the household was something we were used to. He’d be gone for a week or so working or golfing, and my mom would paint a room or move the furniture around, see if he noticed when he came back… but it’s been 6 months as of today, and he doesn’t get to come back to find the changes; His closet emptying as we steal his shirts and sweaters to drown in; The extra large tissue boxes around every corner; The shell of his family left behind. That sound of silence is now an echo of grief…and it is so loud.
And so today, 6 months since he’s passed, I want to fill some of that loud silence. At his celebration of life we left a large jar on a table with a pen and paper, asking people to leave thoughts, memories, whatever they desired that reminded them of Fraser. I want to share some today:
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“Fraser, you epitomized leadership! I will carry that forward the best I can”
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“I remember you always jumping the fence and playing with us. I remember you’d have my brothers blanket and hide under it and pretend you were a monster” ~
“Fraser was - is an incredible man. He led our high school in actions, words and his presence” ~
“Remembering Fraser wanting to poach my daughter for his football team when she locked eyes in her brother after he made her angry. ‘Wow, that’s what I want to see in my players eyes in the field’” ~
“Fraser taught me to fillet my first fish. I will never forget that and carry that with me” ~
“Immediate thoughts of Fraser: Queens breakfast cocktails; I got your back; Take my que; When I’m quiet be quiet, reminders to take care of yourself too; Private; Teaser; Patient; Great boss, one of the best” ~
It might “get easier” but that doesn’t mean it’s easy, death and grief are not easy, it’s not a one day event, its an everyday event, and everyday it’s hard. But, reading these out loud (and having a good sob) made today…a really hard day…a little bit easier. Remembering all of the reasons why the grief hurts so bad.
If you have memories of my dad, or even of your own loved ones that have passed away, feel free to share them in the comments or just sit with them, breathing in every sense of the memory, and I hope it makes your day a little easier, knowing you’re not alone.
💕Caelin
Your dad’s presence gave me confidence. Not only because of his stature, but because Fraser had a way of walking through ideas and adding perspective. Good critical thought, good probing questions, and good support like “Sounds like you know what to do.”
And when all that wasn’t enough, some good old-fashioned off-coloured humor or a British “Indubidably!” would get things going in the right direction.
He was definitely one of the good guys.
Thinking of you all. A few decades go, when you were a tiny baby, or maybe a toddler. Lenox took us girls, to meet up with Brooke, Fraser, Connor, and you, (and I think Jade and his friend were there as well, but as your nana says, my memory is good, it’s just short) in Summerland. Someone had a boat, or maybe Fraser rented it? It was on of those classic summer holidays, sun on your skin, feet in the water, breeze in the air. We went swimming off the boat, and after we tried to ring out either a swimsuit or a towel, I was able to squeezed out a few drops. Then it was passed to Fraser, who…